Lemon Coconut Bars. And Being Selfish.

September 27, 2013

I need to tell you something. I’m really enjoying being selfish.

I think my recent birthday has encouraged some life reflection. Bear with me. I’ll reward you with lemon coconut bars at the end of this self-indulgence.

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My mid to late twenties has been full of travel and adventure and wine (some of which was from the expensive row in the bottle shop) and decidedly lacking in mortgages and loans. I don’t have too many responsibilities right now besides taking care of myself and being a good wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter, friend. I’m striving to be a good business lady and to educate myself. And I’m enjoying it. I’m fiercely enjoying my “me time”.

Why all the drama? Well, as I get older I am acutely aware that this “me time” will soon fade. No, this is not a pregnancy announcement (someone hand me the Campari), but if I am lucky enough to have a family some day, things are going to change.

Oh, with children I will experience more love than I ever thought possible and my life will be fulfilled in new and overwhelming ways, of this I am certain. And I will surely look back on my present time and think “how on Earth did I fill my days?”… It’s going to be magic.

But I’m not there yet. Despite the questions and expectations and belly glances from those around me.

And so, I am doing my best to enjoy this time before Ben and I expand our family. It may be only a couple more years when it’s just the two of us. And I really like the two of us. This is such a fun stage in my life. So I’m savouring it. All of it.

I’m savouring being able to focus solely on my best friend, spending a ridiculous amount of time making him the perfect sandwich, having movie marathons til the early hours of the morning and watching him sleep because he’s more perfect than that perfect sandwich (even if it did have roasted balsamic onions).

I’m savouring being able to spend all day cooking, losing myself in a book and letting unscheduled hours pass by before pouring a big glass of wine and on a whim deciding to go out to dinner.

I’m not saying I won’t have time for any of this AC (after children). But it will be different. My priorities will shift. It will be amazing. But it will be different. So for now, I’m really enjoying being selfish.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Childless at twenty eight, it’s shocking, I know. And I’m aware that these questions simply mean that people are just excited for us. I suppose the awkward monitoring of my wine glass at every single social occasion has gotten to me. I’m sure some of you can relate.

Here, have some lemon coconut bars (recipe link). I selfishly did not dust these lovelies with powdered sugar, prioritising my personal flavour preference over a prettier picture. But hey, I did give some to my dad and grandfather (lemon bars are far more exciting than a baby, right?). Maybe I’m not so selfish after all…

2

Heidi xo

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  • Melanie Hall September 27, 2013 at 6:21 am

    Hi Heidi
    Thanks for an honest and open post. Speaking as someone who has never had children, and who is now past the age where that is an option, I can only assure you that you are not being selfish – rather you are being grateful for the place you’re in right now. We spend so much of our lives projecting into the future (which of course we cannot know), or fretting about where we’ve been (which if course we cannot change) all we ever truly have is this moment, right now. I applaud you for acknowledging and cherishing that…and those bars look great!
    Melanie

    • Heidi September 27, 2013 at 9:21 am

      Thank you so much, Melanie. That is indeed something I try to do – appreciate the now & not always project towards & focus on potential future happiness! So important.
      Heidi xo

  • Briony September 27, 2013 at 7:40 am

    As long as you continue to put together such beautiful posts, you will never be selfish, as there are so many readers (including myself) inspired by your attitude and appreciation of life. Enjoy your time at 28, I’m sure you have worked hard for years to get yourself to this place.

    • Heidi September 27, 2013 at 9:22 am

      Thanks, Briony! Yes it’s funny, everything has lead me to this point and so instead of wondering what’s next, I’m trying to appreciate what I have now, as it’s pretty darn great. Thank you for your lovely words & support 🙂 x

  • hollypop September 27, 2013 at 8:44 am

    i was only eyeing your wineglass to make sure you were to finish it coz i was thirsty ya know x

    • Heidi September 27, 2013 at 9:22 am

      you WANT me to get pregnant so you can eat all my soft cheese & drink all my wine. I know you… x

  • Hannah September 27, 2013 at 9:49 am

    Oh god I love you. And thank you for writing this in a way that doesn’t spin me into a whirl of sobbing for my own reasons. Thank you. xo

    • Heidi September 30, 2013 at 11:19 am

      Thanks, sweets x

  • Ros September 27, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    Great post. I look back fondly at the time when it was just the two of us, it’s so special. It’s now the three of us and the little one is sufficiently old enough that my wine glass is being monitored again while I am just savouring each day as a trio. So I can relate! Where you are at right now sounds like bliss so enjoy every moment x

    • Heidi September 30, 2013 at 11:20 am

      Thank you! Sounds like you’re in a lovely space too, Ros – enjoy! x

  • Cilla September 28, 2013 at 11:51 am

    I love this!
    It’s called being mindful!
    I’m 34 and have been with my partner for a year… I make the most of this time with him, aware that thing will be different (still wonderful) …
    A mini rant- selfish is often directed at the woman- the same expectations are not often put on men…
    But great job, Heidi!

    • Heidi September 30, 2013 at 11:21 am

      Yes! Very true, that’s frustrating, for sure. Thank you x

  • Adrian September 29, 2013 at 10:21 am

    Love the honesty in this post Heidi. Here, here. I’m with you – enjoy life’s moments right now. Mortgages can wait (Too late for me lols), spoonfuls of peanut butter comes first!

    • Heidi September 30, 2013 at 11:21 am

      haha right on, thanks for the support x

  • Rhi September 29, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    Totally agree, I’ve just turned 31 and after 4 years of blissful marriage the questions have begun. We are nearly there but even so I’m making the most of each day together. Love your blog!

    • Heidi September 30, 2013 at 11:22 am

      Thank you! & yay for you, enjoying this time x

  • Jas@AbsolutelyJas September 29, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    I hear ya. Especially on the no kids AND no mortgage? It sets tongues a-wagging. Ridiculous 🙂

    • Heidi September 30, 2013 at 11:23 am

      Isn’t it just? Though I’m still fairly traditional in many ways, I like to think I’ve done some things just because it felt right to me & not because it’s the next expected step. x

  • Laura October 1, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Totally get it.
    We never had that time, and sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock. Just sometimes though! I found out I was pregnant 2 days after our wedding – so our only ‘us’ time was during pregnancy, which is essentially when you’re being overtaken by hormones etc anyway.
    xxx