Whoa, Baby

March 2, 2015

I kind of always thought that pregnant women who expressed repulsion at the thought of vegetables were maybe, possibly, just a little bit exaggerating. How can a capsicum make you want to cry, yet a bag of potato chips bring indescribable joy? I just didn’t get it.

Well, for the past couple of months, the thought of zucchini has made me want to barf. I get it. I’m there. I’m pregnant. Now where the heck are my french fries?

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It’s so fabulously clichéd, this whole food aversion thing. I should have known that positive pregnancy test was coming. One Friday night in early January, Ben and I were headed to the city for a friend’s birthday party. That whole week I had felt vaguely blah, enough to prompt a “couch day” the previous day, but not enough to cancel on seeing my friends and not enough to stop me eating salad for lunch, as is my usual style. Anyway, that car trip was a bit of a giveaway, on reflection. As I drove, Ben worked on his laptop and I blessed him with a monologue detailing ALL of the foods I felt like eating IMMEDIATELY. From pasta bake with bolognaise, with a high ratio of oven crisped pasta, for which we’d need a wide, shallow pan (I was already planning dinner the following night), to a BLT (which I’ve never even eaten before), to a burger…the ultimate burger. Yes, I’ve thought a lot about burgers recently. The burger of my present, pregnant dreams is a thick, juicy, all-beef pattie, covered in melted cheese (a gouda, perhaps), with pickles and some sort of crisp green (because if it were smothered in beef juice I can get behind a bit of veg). I’d like a sharp and cheap tomato sauce (some mustard too, why not?) and a bun that is neither too plain nor too sweet and briochy, and certainly not too thick – it’s all about the pattie. Whoa, baby. A month later I made that burger. And it was freakin perfect.

So, I just announced that Ben and I are expecting a little burger at the start of September and all I have really spoken about is food. Go figure. I mean, this is a food diary, so you’d expect nothing less. But the thing is, my food world has changed so dramatically since the start of the year. Food makes me feel my worst and my best. It’s bizarre. The fact that my work and hobbies revolve around food and cooking makes things a little tricky, and I’ve found myself pulling a Puddy more often than I’d like to admit. I feel as though it has been rather obvious I am pregnant from my pictures on Instagram. There’s been significantly less vibrant salads and significantly more potato, pasta, cheese and biscuits and bread (plus more pasta, more bread and more potato). Some savvy folk guessed I was pregnant before I told them, one being my friend who also happens to be pregnant and due one week before me! How rad is that? The two of us have always shared a deep affection for Grill’d burgers and chips, and this has only grown these past few months. It’s pretty special to have someone who so severely and presently understands your desire for potatoes. So even though these days you’ll find me watching Jane Eyre instead of Nigella Lawson, I clearly still have a lot to say about food.

But there are other things I want to talk about too. Like how we got here. Ben and I were actively trying to get pregnant, so it wasn’t a big surprise when it was confirmed… but then again it was. I had a lot of trouble getting my hormones to good lady levels after coming off the pill 2 years ago. 2 years without menstruating, despite having a healthy diet and lifestyle, putting on weight, trying acupuncture (albeit only a few sessions) and meditation, and having blood tests and ultrasounds to make sure I was healthy (which I am, there was nothing wrong besides my brain not letting me ovulate), well, it leaves you questioning whether you’ll actually be able to have children. It made Ben and I realise how much we did want children of our own. Adoption was always a happy alternative, but I also knew I really wanted to experience this beautiful pregnancy business for myself. So I got some help from a medication called Clomid, which some ladies need to help them ovulate (Clomid doesn’t help you get pregnant, as such, rather it works to make you ovulate. After that you’re on your own). It worked for me like an absolute charm, and one month after the first round of meds Ben and I did a home pregnancy test.

It was a Sunday morning. The day before we’d spent time with our niece and nephew who were over from Hong Kong. For breakfast I’d had what would be my last coffee to date and devoured a croissant, before kicking the football outside with the kids and pretending it wouldn’t be months between visits. That night Ben and I made the aforementioned pasta bake and I went to bed with a stomach full of butterflies, as I knew in the morning I’d be taking a pregnancy test.

I woke buzzing, so ready to go! But it was suspiciously dark out, so I looked at the clock…it was 3am.Darn it. I considered waking Ben but somehow managed to snooze for a while… then at 6am felt somewhat less bad about disturbing his sleep, so shouted to the poor fellow, “I have to pee! It’s time to test!”. Deep breath. We had waited a while for this, a week longer than perhaps necessary, because I didn’t want the test to be negative. I wasn’t sure how I’d handle that. I’d like to think I would have handled it with an “Oh well, onto the next lot of Clomid. It’s common to need a few rounds, that’s ok!”, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t be quite that graceful, so thought it best to wait and try to not think about it (I’m good at that game). But here we were, about to test, nowhere to hide. Deep breath. I did my thing and handed the Clear Blue stick to Ben. We spoke about something for a moment, Ben trying to distract us, but after 30 seconds he snuck a peek… “There’s something there.” On the test we saw a Days of Our Lives hourglass flashing to the left, and next to it, the word “Pregnant”.

Holy heck.

I sprinted into the bedroom and dove head first under the covers, repeating “oh my God, oh my God”, while Ben waited in the bathroom until the sand stopped falling through the hourglass. After a couple of minutes, Ben brought the pregnancy test into the bedroom with a big smile on his face.

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And here we are, at 13 weeks, feeling beyond blessed and tying my pants together with a rubber band.

I’ll be back with more posts later on. Sorry/not sorry that there will be a lot of pregnancy and baby talk over here. I think you’ll appreciate the burgers and I promise to not solely talk about pasta. I just have a lot to say, and you all know by now that I am an over-sharer. Really, it’s all in the hope that someone will knock on my door with a bag of fries and some ginger beer. We can watch BBC Jane Austen adaptations whilst eating potatoes and not talking about zucchini. It’ll be great.

Here are some pictures from our second scan last Tuesday, at 12 weeks, outside the clinic. It really hit us at this point, after seeing bub hanging out in my belly…this is legit. We are elated.

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Heidi xo

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  • Dagmara March 2, 2015 at 6:09 am

    I’m always reading your blog religiously but this.. This just makes me so happy. Loads of love, D.

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:53 pm

      Thank you, beautiful lady xxx

  • Emily March 2, 2015 at 7:00 am

    Oh my goodness, congratulations! So happy for the both of you. xxx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:53 pm

      Thanks, Emily! x

  • Jacqui March 2, 2015 at 7:04 am

    Congratulations! Such exciting and wonderful news. I can remember craving potato chips and sausage rolls – anything salty. Enjoy the ride!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      Potato chips & sausage rolls – YEAH! Thank you, Jacqui x

  • Jaam March 2, 2015 at 7:14 am

    many many many congratulations I just read this with a HUGE smile!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      Awww thanks Jaam x

  • Jaam March 2, 2015 at 7:28 am

    I was there with the cheese burgers too the meatier and juicer the better!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      Right?!! x

  • Rachel March 2, 2015 at 7:40 am

    Heidi! This is the happiest news! Congratulations to you and Ben!! xoxo

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      Thank you so much, Rachel x

  • Jenny March 2, 2015 at 7:41 am

    Wow congratulations Heidi! This is so special!!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      Thanks, Jenny 🙂 x

  • Sarah March 2, 2015 at 7:47 am

    Congratulations Heidi and Ben!! So, so excited for you 🙂 xx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      Thank you, Sarah! x

  • katt March 2, 2015 at 8:20 am

    Congratulations Heidi and Ben I am so happy I been reading your blogs for years so I know how much you wanted this to happen:) Oh I did notice on the blog your food and recipe direction slightly change over the last few months, so I wonder if indeed you were finally pregnant.

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      You knew it!! 🙂 Thank you so much, Katt x

  • Lauren March 2, 2015 at 8:29 am

    Congratulations!!!! Packets of salt and vinegar chips devoured here….and as soon as the baby is born the craving stopped! Enjoy xx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      Salt and vinegar is the best flavour ever! Maybe a tie with plain salted… Thank you, Lauren x

  • Raquel March 2, 2015 at 8:37 am

    Congratulations! How exciting for you both. Keep the pregnancy posts and updates coming. By the way, mmm Grill’d burgers and chips *drool* all the best x

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:56 pm

      Isn’t Grill’d the best?!! Thanks, Raquel, plently more coming! x

  • Nisren March 2, 2015 at 8:43 am

    Aww what sweet news!! Congratulations to you and Ben, I can’t stop smiling! Baby Apples is coming! 🙂

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:56 pm

      Baby Apples!! Thanks, lovely x

  • Michelle March 2, 2015 at 8:45 am

    Congratulations to you both! Lovely news x

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:56 pm

      Thank you, Michelle x

  • Amber March 2, 2015 at 8:48 am

    Yes, yes, YES! I am SO thrilled for you two! You will make wonderful parents.
    Given how I just completed the first-pregnancy-and-birth journey, I’m so excited to follow yours. <3

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      Thank you, lovely Amber!! I’m so happy for you too, with your new beautiful bub x

  • kate March 2, 2015 at 8:55 am

    hooray!! such wonderful news, Heidi, congratulations to you both. potatoes and ginger beer for all!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      Hehe thank you Kate!! x

  • Carla March 2, 2015 at 9:09 am

    Congratulations. That is too cute Heidi! I feel like burgers all the time and I’m not even close to being pregnant! haha, go figure!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      Haha, love it. It’s because burgers are truly the best. Well, pasta… x

  • Yasmeen | Wandering Spice March 2, 2015 at 9:19 am

    Congrats, lover girl. I LOLed at this a bit on the bus – very honest and sweet.

    As if you didn’t know how happy we are for you and Ben… well, we’re really damn happy 🙂

    See you soon xx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:58 pm

      See you soon, lovely. So happy we’re friends. You’re the best x

  • Felicity March 2, 2015 at 9:21 am

    Congratulations to you and Ben. Wonderful news xx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:58 pm

      Thanks Felicity 🙂 x

  • Emma Stirling March 2, 2015 at 9:26 am

    I am over the top elated that this news is now official. You will make the best parents. Your kid will be the cutest fusion ever. And you have my support and too many cuddles for little burger along the way. x

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:58 pm

      Thank you, Em. That means a lot xxx

  • Camilla March 2, 2015 at 9:43 am

    Arghhhh so bloody excited for the cute burger you and Ben are going to have!!! So happy for you guys.

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:59 pm

      Hehehe thank you, lovely x

  • Jemma March 2, 2015 at 9:43 am

    How exciting! Congratulations!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:59 pm

      Thanks, Jemma! x

  • Emma Stubbs March 2, 2015 at 10:05 am

    Oh my goodness, that was such a beautiful post. Congratulations! X

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:59 pm

      Awe thanks, Emma x

  • Lisa March 2, 2015 at 10:23 am

    oh heidi this is such beautiful news 🙂 congratulations to you both x

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 3:59 pm

      Thank you so much, Lisa x

  • Sarah March 2, 2015 at 10:48 am

    I logged on for the first time in months over the weekend, and got a bit suss… Congratulations! I’m due with #2 at the end of August, so I’ll be sharing in your journey with curiosity and sympathy. Burgers have been high on my list of priorities along with cheese and s&v chips…

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:00 pm

      Oooh we’re pregnancy pals!! Hope you’re feeling well! I need to get some more s&v chips. Have been trying to not have them in the house, really 😉 x

  • Julia @ Chic To Do March 2, 2015 at 11:12 am

    Oh, congratulations!! Honestly, seeing that little stick turn blue or positive or whatever changes your life forever. It’s exciting and terrifying and so, so amazing.

    Enjoy the pregnancy – especially the burgers! When I was pregnant I could NOT DEAL with eggs or seafood for the first six months or so. The thought of eating them was just replusive to me. I found a nice cold dry ginger ale in the afternoons when I was feeling blah really helped me get through the rest of the day until dinner time.

    Hope it’s an uneventful pregnancy and you get lots of rest. Congrats again!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:04 pm

      Cold ginger ale, is there anything more refreshing?! Thank you for your beautiful words, Julia. I feel like I’m doing a good job at being present – trying to savour the now & not look TOO ahead to the future, as hard as that can be! I know these solitary months are something I should cherish x

  • Mariam March 2, 2015 at 11:24 am

    Oh this post was so incredible sweet, a big congrats to you two! So happy for you xx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:04 pm

      Thank you, lovely one x

  • Kate March 2, 2015 at 11:25 am

    Congrats, this is the most exciting news! x

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:05 pm

      Thanks, Kate! We’re so excited x

  • Kate March 2, 2015 at 11:50 am

    Ahhh this is so so exciting! Congratulations Heidi & Ben, I am so happy for you both! 🙂 x

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:05 pm

      Thank you so much 🙂 x

  • Sarah March 2, 2015 at 2:12 pm

    Congratulations! Having just had my second hub a few weeks ago, I can tell you that kids are beautiful and crazy and exhausting and wonderful. You’ll love it!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:05 pm

      Congratulations, Sarah! That’s gorgeous. x

  • Elyse March 2, 2015 at 2:24 pm

    I almost never comment on blogs, but when I saw the title of your post this morning I actually emitted a little squeak on the treadmill! Congratulations on some fabulous news!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:05 pm

      Awww thanks, Elyse, I love that 🙂 x

  • Hannah March 2, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    Congratulations gorgeous Heidi !!! Looking forward to seeing your lovely bump & bub 🙂 xxx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:05 pm

      Thank you so much, lovely lady x

  • Iron Chef Shellie March 2, 2015 at 3:59 pm

    awwww you gorgeous couple!
    I know deep down in my heart, you two are going to be the most AMAZING parents… I’m getting misty right now!!! And what a gorgeous bebe it will be with such spunky parents 🙂
    I can’t wait to follow your new life! xo

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      Shellie! You’re going to make me cry. Thank you, beautiful x

  • sarah March 2, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    I want to cry with happiness! So beautiful and so darn exciting!! XX

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      Oh thank you, Sarah 🙂 x

  • Rosa malignaggi March 2, 2015 at 6:40 pm

    I’m crying with joy. So happy for both of you. That baby is so lucky. Rx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      Rosa! Thank you so much, special lovely beautiful lady. I so appreciate you. Can’t wait for our stirfry date! x

  • Kate March 2, 2015 at 7:16 pm

    So thrilled for you Heidi, congratulations!!!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      Thank you so much, Kate! x

  • Miss Directions March 2, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    Congratulations! That’s amazing news. I had no idea from your instagram feed, food might have just looked even better 😉 best wishes xx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Hehe, ace. Thank you 🙂 x

  • Emily March 2, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    WOW!!!! Congratulations you two, you are just the cutest and will make the best parents!! All the best – I can’t wait to read more about this exciting journey for you x

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Thank you, Emily, that’s so lovely x

  • jac March 2, 2015 at 11:53 pm

    Such exciting news, congratulations! Looking forward to lots and lots of baby posts 🙂

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Awesome hehe, thanks Jac x

  • lynsey | lynseylovesfood.com March 3, 2015 at 12:55 am

    so much love. you can feel the excitement radiate through the computer. congratulations to you both. xo

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Aww thank you, Lynsey 🙂 x

  • Amanda March 3, 2015 at 2:22 am

    This is THE most beautiful post. Your photos seriously had me tearing up! SO HAPPY for you guys! <3

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:23 pm

      Thank you so much, Amanda! That’s so sweet x

  • sarwat AJ March 3, 2015 at 8:25 pm

    so happy for you
    stay blessed

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:23 pm

      Thank you so much x

  • Lyf March 3, 2015 at 10:11 pm

    OMG! Yay!!! Congratulations my love. Thank you for also lifting the taboo and being frank about the difficulties you and Ben faced. Falling pregnant is not always natural for women but is rarely discussed out in the open like this. Your approach and honesty is refreshing and very much appreciated.

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Thank you, Lyf! Yes it’s real life, I don’t see the reason why we wouldn’t talk about these things. Happy to do it 🙂 x

  • jetpepper March 4, 2015 at 12:59 am

    Brilliant brilliant news!!!! A million congratulations to you both! It has totally made my week! Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy. Jessica xx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Awe yay! Thank you, lovely Jessica x

  • Ros March 4, 2015 at 10:10 am

    Big congratulations! Such wonderful news. I had my second bub a few weeks ago and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that being a parent is just the most wonderful thing. Enjoy the wonders of pregnancy xx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      Congratulations Ros! How special. Thank you, I’m just so excited x

  • Cilla March 4, 2015 at 11:54 am

    I am going to add my congrats to the chorus. I saw it a few days back on Instagram. I only know you through the blog, but get the feeling you and Ben will be wunnerful parents xx

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      Thank you, Cilla, that’s so nice x

  • Nicole- Champagne and Chips March 4, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    Indescribably wonderful. Such pure joy on both your faces.

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      🙂 thank you, Nicole x

  • Alexandra Jackson March 4, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    Terrific news! Enjoy the pasta, potato, bread and burger ride!

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      Hehe thank you, Alexandra, I will! Ben too, no doubt 😉 x

  • Hannah March 4, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    “Really, it’s all in the hope that someone will knock on my door with a bag of fries and some ginger beer. We can watch BBC Jane Austen adaptations whilst eating potatoes and not talking about zucchini. It’ll be great.”

    RAISES HAND AND WAVES MADLY xoxox

    • Heidi March 5, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      Thought of you!!! xxx

      • Hannah March 6, 2015 at 12:05 pm

        Well that just made my whole darn day x

  • Jenna Obeid March 5, 2015 at 10:12 pm

    Congratulations Heidi (and BenRice4eva who I feel like I know so well without having actually met him!).
    I am beyond excited for you both and looking forward to the many more blog posts and insta photos following you through your pregnancy!
    So much love right now x

    • Heidi March 14, 2015 at 8:13 am

      Hehe thanks, lovely Jenna! x

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  • Nami | Just One Cookbook March 6, 2015 at 5:42 pm

    I’m super excited for you two! Loved reading this emotional and happy post! Can’t wait to meet the baby in September! Congratulations again!!

    • Heidi March 14, 2015 at 8:13 am

      Thank you, Nami, that’s so sweet! x

  • Cora March 7, 2015 at 2:57 am

    I’ve been reading and enjoying for blog for quite sometime, disovered it via instagram, but have never commented. I’m so happy for your news, congratulations! My husband and I have been trying for a baby for ayear now and this post brings me so much hope and joy. love from eastern europe

    • Heidi March 14, 2015 at 8:14 am

      Thank you, Cora. All the best for your baby world! It helps to talk about these things!! x

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  • laurasmess March 11, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    Oh Heidi, aaaah!!!! I can’t believe that we’ve been emailing and I somehow managed to be more than a week behind on the baby news!
    It’s been a long journey but I am so elated that you and Ben have finally got fuzzy-photo-proof! Cannot wait to share the excitement ahead (if you want to change Monday plans to just sitting on the couch, eating potatoes and watching Jane Austen, I am totally there!!!!) xxxx

    • Heidi March 14, 2015 at 8:14 am

      Thanks, lovely Laura 🙂 x

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  • Nicole May 29, 2015 at 8:36 pm

    I popped onto your site to find Les’s delectable pizza base recipe for tonight and stubbled upon this! i am so happy for you both. Congratulations! i wish you, Ben and Bub a very happy and healthy future. Love Nicole Vanderzee

    • Heidi May 29, 2015 at 9:04 pm

      Nicole!! Thank you, lovely. So much. Love to you too xx ps we’re having pizza tomorrow. Hope yours was swell.

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    Catch up reading during a bub disturbed night. I so know that feeling of wanting bub but your body just not letting you – 2 years of trying and one month away from Clomid – Bub ☺☺☺ love your blog. So happy for you.