I Miss Him Cookies
Today is my brother's birthday. His 30th. It's been almost five years since he died. Five years...it kind of seems like a long time. But it still feels raw. So much so that I struggle to even say his name. Clearly.
I'm working on it.
I miss him.
I miss him laughing so very loudly at The Simpsons. The last moments I spent with him alive were watching an episode.
I miss coming down to the kitchen and having the scent of grilled cheese on toast waft over me...he loved his cheese. French cheese, especially.
I miss telling him off for drinking juice straight out of the carton.
I miss hearing him play the piano. Every day.
I miss his presence...feeling, knowing that he would always protect me. Even when we fought, I knew he'd do anything for me. He was my big brother.
I miss it all.
As I have eachyear since I started this blog, I made cookies for David's birthday. Today they're Almond Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies (recipe link). Why? Because I was having a particularly shitty day two weeks ago, feeling super emotional about his upcoming birthday and just generally missing him. I felt like baking that afternoon, baking a chocolate chip cookie with a bit more wholesome nutrition than your average version. And so I chose this recipe.
If you discount the exorbitant amount of sugar in these bites, they're a little healthier than your typical cookie - full of oats and almond butter, with some flaxmeal to boot. Just what I wanted. And while these cookies are vegan (ensuring you use appropriate dark chocolate chips), they don't taste as you might expect a vegan cookie to taste. Let's be honest, it's due to all that sugar.
These cookies are downright delicious. They're comfort. I'm quite certain David would have liked these cookies. In fact, he'd probably have struggled to stop at 2 or 3. Yes, absolutely.
I miss him.
I'm going to go watch The Simpsons, season 1 (my favourite), while drinking juice straight out of the carton. Later I'll listen to Midnight Oil and make a grilled cheese sandwich. Or maybe this one - man, he would LOVE that sandwich. He had good taste, my brother.
Happy 30th birthday, David. I miss you. I so wish I could taunt you for being old today. Instead, you'll be forever young.
Cookies in afternoon light. David would have appreciated that. Good living.